12/24/08, 5:47 PM

You were a dream.
A fain whisper of what was supposed to be
But your face disappeared in the haze
And all that's left
Is a memory of a bedtime story
before you fall asleep
A glimmering moment like somewhere in a dream
someone else's reality
Memories of you
don't seem so real
and your face is long forgotten
In the haze that once seemed clear

You were the prince charming
I dreamed up for myself
A memory of a melody
with long forgotten words
You're yesterday's sigh
into the dreamlike snow
A memory of a goodbye

You cannot hold a butterfly
long captive or it wilts
A flower must stay attached
to it's own stem or it will die
long before its time

You were a beautiful flower
That I got the chance of smelling
But had to leave in the ground
And now
not even a hint of smell can be found
not even a memory of such smell
But only a memory
that we once encountered
something beautiful.

10/16/08, 8:55 PM

You were trying
to make Christmas a good thing for me again
After hating it for so long
Despising all its stupid songs
You said that you could change that

You told me December is the month of love
And I understood
As I watched the flakes fall around you
Sticking to your long lashes and hair
I understood.

We got to the root that I enjoyed Christmas songs about love.
You said that's what most were about
For December
is the month of love

You told me how not to get cold
Though I'd been told how
so many times before
But I actually took the advice
And started enjoying the snow
Enjoying each path of each flake
As they fell around you


I threw away the ornaments we made for you
(one actually shattered
when I tapped them together)
I threw away our picture frames
(surprisingly in one piece)
too bad they were a waste of money.
I don't know what to do with the
clay figurine I made you
Guess I'll have to give it away.
How I hate to see hard work to waste.
And I guess I don't have to worry
about buying you those numerous presents
for everyday
of the "love" holiday
that you love so much.
Don't have to worry about making the cd
or baking the cookies
And that card
"you put the merry
in my christmas"
(because you were really getting there)
will have to eventually find its way tot the trash as well

You had me going for a while there
caught up int the "month of love"
december is none but a month of death
And you have proved this to be true
And Christmas is even more unbearable because of you
Every single song of "love" -
"wouldn't want to spend it with any other girl"
Just makes me break down
And the snow,
well the snow,
just makes me think of lying down
and freezing to death.

-?

She chose to spend her life relaxing
and healing people.
Almost amazed that she couldn't heal herself.
When the sickness came to get her.
Where did supergrandma go?

I remember thinking
how there was a dragon in the
furnace in her basement
(which we all knew was haunted)
I remember
breaking her light
as we were pretend fighting
with sticks
she didn't yell or lecture me
not once
I remember
butterscotch candies on top of her microwave
climbing on top of the counter
to get just one last piece
She was always so generous.

I remember Sim Theme Park, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Coloring, Duke, and most of all her magnets and carpet.

Her house was a home.
A place you always felt welcome.
I lost my favorite toys there
-but I didn't mid. As long
as they were at Grandmas
We spent countless nights there.
-she was always assuring
that we were comfortable with
where we were sleeping or how
many blankets we needed
We buried our dog there
-finding the perfect place to say our goodbyes.

I remember her fish (she didn't have them long), her typewriter, her hair, her bell, her square socks, 2 up 4 down, and golf.

her big comfy chairs, rolling down her stairs on bean bags, playing Chip's Challenge, and her small trampoline.

Hide and Seed, playing school, and having 4th of July

When I was little I loved her clock. The one that played a tune every hour. I'd get up and dance and twirl and laugh. But after a while it went away. It broke.
I guess after a while everything breaks, goes away.

Comparing memories, mine
may not be as adventurous and exciting as my cousins'.
Who went all these places with my
oh-so adventurous
grandma.

they may not be as fun.
But they're still heartfelt
and they are
still mine.

April 27 2008

your face is down
your hands are clasped
between us and
I can't get past
won't meet my eyes
won't look back up
your eyes are somewhere distant

I'm sorry babe
I never meant to change you
never meant to make you
something you're not
your carefree spirit
I broke right through it
And now you think
You're dead and gone.

I tamed the wild beast
I always thought would kill me
I brought it to its knees
when it always stood above me
I made it slow its pace
when it was gonna run right past me
I made you something different
Oh how could you forgive me?

March 4 2008

You whisper "secrets" in my ear
and I love you
I've always loved you
I'll love you for the rest of my life

The look in your eyes is pure and whole
I'm sure they mirror mine
They say
"Who could be as lucky as I?
You are precious."

I lay in your arms
our own secret world
"lay with me and just forget the world"
you sing to me.
sing for me
sing quietly in my ear.
where no one else can hear.
we are so in tune our souls touch
I am lucky for this world around me
I have
what everyone else chases
pure
simple
complicated
lustful
dutiful
loyal
whole
love

"Who could be as lucky as I?
you are precious."

4/28/08, 11:23 AM

Addiction

If you need a replacement
I'm yours
If you need a new best friend
I'm yours
If you need a distraction
I'm yours
If you need an escape plan
I'm yours

I'm here when you have nothing better to do
I'm here when your world's at its worst
If you need a cheap laugh, I'm your buddy
Or a waste of your money, just call me

I'm your "better things to do" on your Saturday night
than hang with your girl or your fam'
I'm your "I'll be there later" and soon you'll forget
cause you're lost in your own little land

When you're low on money, I'm splitting
When you're full of it I'm by your side
Which you won't cause your job you are quitting
you can't get up to get there on time.

I'm your friend when you leave all your others
To hang out with me and get through
the shit that your life has been turned to
Who am I? Dear friend, I am you


But
who am I
if you are no longer
yourself?

11/?/08

I don't want to be
another body's kryptonite
I've watched that story
played that game

maybe I'm just out
looking to get hurt
Like I have hurt
Looking to be cheated
Like I had cheat

Go ahead
I'm not afraid
of looking like a fool

I want to forget
Forget about feelings
FORGET ABOUT LOVE.

Forget about caring
Attachment is SUFFERING.