10/13/08, 10:48 PM

I've started the death race
my foot on the pedal, not the brake
(which any sane person would)
But I took a leap
(more like a step forward)
And fell upon what I've been fighting against
All this time
3 days
14 months
When you fall into a hole
do you try to climb to the top
-scraping your hands and knees on the way, falling down a few times and damaging your heart
Or do you dig yourself deeper till you can no longer see the sun?
(out of desperation with nothing left to do)
-because you fear the climb, the falls, the difficulty
-pitting yourself against yourself because you've already come this far?

I must really want to see China

For I am dug, maybe (hopefully), buried.

And I fear I will never feel the warmth of sun again.

At least one heart is going to be broken.

I just hope
god I hope
That it's mine.